I love my Kids but They Drive me to lift weights and listen to Sisters of Mercy

I love my kids but sometimes I want to slap the crap out of them…or in good Scottish “roast their arses”.

There I was this morning, all organized and feeling like Supermum. I’d made soup for lunch for the next 3 days, baked bread rolls to go with the soup, chopped up fruit, packed my daughter’s karate suit so I could drop her at karate from school, packed my gym kit…shit, I’d even managed to do a warm up and cool down cycle before busting my chops on a Ben Aldis 20 minute hill cycle (Peloton) this morning and I got out the door for the school run at 6.55am. I was killing it.

Coffee made, in the car, and the traffic was quiet. Man this was awesome.

My son was driving so I sat back to enjoy my coffee and some music from the 80s on the radio.

Hello Monday. It’s a good day.

We’re driving in to the drop off area when I hear from the back seat “mum, I forgot my uniform. I need it for after PE”.


“Fucking hell. What the fuck have you been doing for the last 30 minutes. Jesus, you’ve been on that effing phone. Could you not have told me closer to home. What the fuck do you want me to do now? Go home and get it … [rhetorical question… of course driving back home is the last thing I want to do… Let her suffer… ]”

Wow. There was me thinking I was clam and organised…

“I’ll get detention if I don’t have it”.

“let her get detention mum” pipes up my 21 year old son…

“yeah, like I’d have let you get detention”

I’m going to kill her. I just want to drag her out of the car, pull down her pants and roast her arse in front of everyone… no, I want to ignore the situation and just go to work and make her suffer at school with no uniform to change into. No I want to take all of her electronics devices off of her for the next month…no I’ll make her write out “I will not forget my school uniform ever again” a hundred times… how else can I punish her? How can I make her feel the pain I’m feeling right now. How can I inconvenience her the way she is just about to inconvenience me?

So I drop her off. Drop off my son. I drive home. I get her uniform. I take the uniform back to school. I drop the uniform at school where I am “greeted” by a lady who looks like she is chewing a bee. I’m about to call her a miserable cow but then I forgive her because maybe her kid threw a spanner into her day…

Onwards and upwards…

And don’t tell me you wouldn’t have done what I did today.

It’s the alpha female… the control freak. We save the day, do all the jobs..whinge like fuck about it and then have a glass of wine…

I go to the gym… I lift all the weights. That’s my glass of wine…I look forward to this evening’s session. I think I’ll work out to Sisters of Mercy… In the meantime, I’ll sit at my desk and do all the work… and try not to be a miserable cow.

Happy Monday.

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